Thoughts for the Holidays

Like many, I have always enjoyed the holidays. It renews my connections to my family, my friends, my community, and God. It’s a time to give and receive love, promote peace and tolerance, and a time for reflection. For most of us it is a happy time, a time of joy.

The holidays are perceived very differently for those that are grieving. They are suffering the loss of a significant relationship in their life. Their life may feel upside-down, confusing, sad, and frustrating to the point of provoking anger. It is not the same for everyone who is grieving, but it is important to keep in mind that they are experiencing the holidays in a new way, and as such, they may act and feel differently.

If you are bereaved, or know someone that is grieving, extend tolerance and understanding. Allow yourself and/or others to grieve. It is the natural reaction to loss. Here are some thoughts to consider:

Consider doing only what is special and meaningful to you this year, setting limits and establishing priorities.  It is important to recognize that your energy may be lower than normal.

•       Decide for yourself how you want to handle the days that are special to you (Christmas, Hanukkah, Thanksgiving, etc.).  Family get-togethers can be difficult.  It will be important to accept your own needs and those of others, and to communicate your decisions clearly to family and friends.  It is helpful not to expect too much of yourself or of the day.

•       You may want to plan your holiday shopping ahead of time.  If seeing decorations or being wished “Merry Christmas” is painful, consider shopping early or by catalog.  You may want to have a shopping list ready so that when a good day comes along, you can get your shopping done efficiently.

•       Consider cutting back on greeting cards, especially to those you will see over the holiday.  If some friends are not aware of your loved one’s death, you may want to enclose the simple little funeral service card in the greeting card.  Many bereaved people find special comfort in friends’ concerned responses at this time.

•       As the holiday season approaches, give yourself permission to share your concerns with a friend, relative, or counselor.  Allowing yourself the love and support you need can help you through the holidays.

•       Consider making changes – change time or place of a holiday dinner, attend a different religious service, shop or decorate differently, take special time to honor your loved one’s memory, go out of town or take a vacation.  The way you handle the holidays this year does not set any rules for how you will handle them next year.

•       Be gentle with yourself, and allow yourself freedom to cry if you need to.  Some people are reluctant to cry in public or at family gatherings, but trying to hold back the tears may be an extra unnecessary burden at this time.

•       Some people may expect you to recover quickly from the pain of your loss.  One doesn’t ever forget one’s loss, but most bereaved people do eventually enjoy the holidays again.   Don’t be pressured, but do hold on to hope.

I would like to extend a helping hand to anyone who is suffering at this time of the year. If you, or if you know someone that would benefit from speaking to a bereavement counseling professional, please call us. We would love to be of service in this time of great need.

Happy Holidays to all of you. May the season bring you Peace, Joy, & Enlightenment!